I crave deep soul fulfillment, yet I often find myself falling for the illusion that externals will bring me wholeness. I’ve spent many years chasing the ephemeral dangling carrot, believing I will finally be happy when… I’m successful, beautiful, have this or that. I was often very restless.
I remember when I was a little girl, I would desperately want something - jeans, sneakers, toys, a certain friend. I gave these things magical powers, truly believing that once I had them I would be happy and fulfilled. Fulfillment never came, just more yearning and emptiness. I was always future tripping, the present was never good enough.
It’s great to want more, to keep growing and evolving, but just not at the expense of the present. I need to remind myself to appreciate all the steps on the journey. No one moment is more valuable or more important than another. It all matters, life is now and it’s time to stop missing it. There will always be the next thing to work towards. We are never done. The challenge is to stay present with the wanting, turn it over, and enjoy the ride. To have the desire, the dreams, the vision and feel content right where I am. Ahh… patience, trust, letting go of outcome, space for mystery, space for life, and gratitude every step along the way.
“All things as they are happening, are happening in perfect order. And if you will relax and begin saying, ‘everything in its perfect time. Everything is unfolding. And I’m enjoying where I am now in relationship to where I’m going. Content where I am, and eager for more’ that is the perfect vibrational stance.” Abraham-Hicks
Desire and passion are wonderful, especially when balanced with breath, spirit, and presence. It’s when I abandon and reject the present and get lost in the future fantasy that causes pain.
True soul fulfillment lies in arriving fully in the present moment just as it is, just as we are, letting go of the idea that life is better somewhere else. What is happening now is what really matters. It’s courageous to fully arrive… to have the willingness to slow down and feel.
‘Change me into someone who truly arrives, who can truly receive all the gifts of this moment’ (Change me prayer, inspired by Tosha Silver)